Emma Reinhardt’s critique
was the most helpful in that she identified strengths and weaknesses in a
balanced way while making suggestions on improvements and explaining the
suggestions. She, along with Annie Hall and Anneliese Ely, describe how
confusing the story is because of inconsistencies in character. Hunter Morgan
made an important insight when he wrote, “Someone willing to end their life
because of embarrassment would probably be willing to go back to an abuser to
avoid the embarrassment instead.”
I was not happy with
this story when I submitted it and knew that I would make some global changes
in plot and work on improving characterization and removing the
inconsistencies. The workshop helped to clarify some of the issues I was having
and suggest ideas for improvement, like showing more of the protagonist’s
emotions rather than telling. Suicide has to have a bigger motivation than to
avoid embarrassment or not living up to others’ expectations.
In the latest
draft I have removed the confusing and out of place ending (the hug from a
co-worker) and replaced it with something much more meaningful that would give
her a reason to stay alive. Also, I’m hoping that a common trait of people
contemplating suicide comes through (and does not further confuse): that when
someone has made up her mind to commit suicide, she may seem happier than usual
because she feels relieved that there will be an end to her suffering. The
psychology of it is interesting to me and I think that including some
contradictions makes the story more realistic.
